


The Letter

by mtac_archivist



Category: NCIS
Genre: Drama, Episode Related, F/M, Not Episode Related, Not a Crossover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-11-20
Updated: 2008-11-20
Packaged: 2019-03-02 06:14:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13312194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mtac_archivist/pseuds/mtac_archivist
Summary: Jenny's last communication to Gibbs contains news that will shake Gibbs to the core. Ensemble fic. Some slash.some het pairings. Season 5 spoilers!





	1. The Letter

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Jessi, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [ MTAC](https://fanlore.org/wiki/MTAC), an archive of NCIS fanfiction which closed in 2017. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after August 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator (and this work is still attached to the archivist account), please contact me using the e-mail address on [ the MTAC collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/mtac/profile)

  
Author's notes: Special thanks to our beta, Anna. HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!  


* * *

Dear Jethro,

If you’re reading this, I’m gone. I’ve given Ducky strict orders to avoid telling you anything until it is too late. I never wanted your sympathy and needed you to treat me as you always did.

I have some confessions that I need to make. Perhaps I’m being cowardly by telling you this in a letter. You can discuss it with me when we meet again. And I have no doubt that we will. I’ve been thinking about the afterlife a lot since I was diagnosed.

You asked me if I was sick that day and I had to lie to you. I didn’t want you to know for myriad reasons. First and foremost, I was pregnant. Am. For the moment. But I’ll never be able to carry the baby to term. And Jethro, this isn’t our first. In Paris, when I left you, I’d just miscarried.

This is so hard for me to tell you. I was much younger then and you were so sophisticated and in control. When I became pregnant, I thought you’d think I was trying to trap you. You seemed so bitter then, in your post-Diane frame of mind. I couldn’t tie you down. So I ran away from the best thing I ever had. 

I hadn’t quite worked out what to do when I woke up beside you on the day I was to leave and it was simply done. It was over. Ducky was kind enough to look me over and consult with a physician in Paris. It was eleven weeks in, quite late for that sort of thing, but I suppose it was meant to be.

This is so much harder. I’m older and I can feel this baby inside me, Jethro. I know neither of us will live, and yet I can’t terminate its life. How ironic that the day I removed the biggest threat to my family’s memory was also the day you and I created life. I’ve even named him, silly little flight of fancy. Jasper Sheppard Gibbs. Your son. I can’t even think that without crying, Jethro. And it is a boy, Ducky confirmed it.

I’m almost five months along and not showing a bit. You’ll never suspect and I’m glad. You’ve had entirely too much heartbreak in your life. I dearly want to tell you, but I can’t. It would be selfish. It is bad enough that I’m leaning on Ducky. I haven’t any right to lean on you, Jethro.

Don’t trust Vance. I have some information on him, copies in my safe deposit box and with Ducky. Jethro, he may try to take you down and I need you to be prepared for that. I didn’t make the sacrifices I did all this time to have you risk or lose your career. But we have to bide our time, wait until he makes a move for the office.

Jethro, I wish we could have made it. I have never been in love with another man before or since you. You were the one for me. Thank you. I just wish I could have given you that family you’ve longed for all these years.

I’ll be sure to spend some time with Shannon and Kelly and make sure they know what a fantastic man you are. And this little life inside me and I will always watch out for you.

I love you,

Jenny

Jethro Gibbs reread the letter for a second time, then a third time. Each time it made less sense than the first. How had he not known she was pregnant? He suspected she was dying, but pregnant as well? He took a drink straight from the bottle, no need to worry about cups when your intention was to get shit faced. Why leave dishes to do in the morning when he was hung over?

Jenny could have tipped him off that Vance was after him before this. Might have played his cards differently and not lost his team. As it was, Ziva was on a plane back to Tel Aviv, Tony was god knows where getting drunk himself and McGee was hopefully with Abby, taking care of her. It was going to be rough for her, losing Jenny and then the whole team in a matter of hours. 

Carrying the letter with him, Jethro went upstairs leaving the pile of wood he had left over from his previous boat. He had started the evening taking inventory of what he’d need to really get started on The Jenny although, now it would be named the Jenny Jasper or some combination like that. He had to call Ducky, find out what Jen had for him, her own insurance policy it seemed. He’d get a hold of Franks too. Find out what he knew, and if it could be used in what ever move he made. It might be too late to save Ziva’s position, but he could get the rest of his team back where they belonged.

The phone rang several times before he heard Ducky’s voice on the other end. It sounded as if he weren’t handling this well. The stress in his voice was a dead give away; it created an edge that sounded strange to his ears. “Duck, I got the letter from Jenny. Said to talk to you. I’m taking the bastard down and I need all the help I can get.”

“Oh dear Jethro. I hated keeping that information from you. I’m so very sorry for all you’ve lost.” Ducky swallowed a sip of cognac, looking at the printouts he had. “I have a great deal of paperwork for you, information that I was under orders not to get to you until she was gone or her job was in imminent danger. Even after Rene…she instructed me not to turn it over it you unless she was permanently removed.”

Ducky sighed. “Jethro, have you any idea why they wouldn’t let us process her body? I made some inquiries and the autopsy documents have been sealed. Even Abby and McGee can’t locate the information. I don’t like the sound of this. Are they going to set her up in absentia for Rene’s death?”

"Don't know Duck, but I won't let it happen. The bastard may have taken her job, but he's not going to ruin her memory. I fought to prevent how it all went down in the end. Should have fought the Secant harder, the woman died a hero protecting her partner, and they make it into a helpless woman dying in a fire."

The whole situation left a bad taste in his mouth, but he hadn't been able to do a damn thing. He was in a worse position now, not able to use his team, who he trusted with his life, to get to the bottom of this. New people, even if one of them was Jardin, weren't going to do the dirty work he needed. "I'm going to need what you can give me as far as information. Then as a friend, I'm asking you to take a little time off. I'm going to suggest the same thing to Abby. I don't want any more collateral damage if I can prevent it. It's going to come down to him or me, and right now I'm not sure that it's going to be me. I'll damn well try to make sure of it though."

“Jethro, I can officially take time off, but I will help you as much as I can. Jennifer may not have always done the best thing or taken the safest course of action but she was a hero. You remember that I was peripherally there in Paris with all of you.”

Ducky swallowed hard. “I shall take eight weeks off, to see to Mother. Would that suffice do you think, my dear? And I must ask this. Did you see her body? Did she…appear to have suffered?”

"I didn't see her. They'd already removed the bodies by time I got there. Tony found her, and he said she was gone by time he got there. I've got no reason to doubt him. But I can only hope that she didn't suffer. I wouldn't want that for her."

“None of us would, dear boy.” Ducky looked at the papers and then at his guests. “I’ll prepare my paperwork, dear boy, and get news to Abigail. Is there anything else you need? I’ll be glad to give you copies of Jenny’s medical records and prenatal tests.”

“Medical records. I don’t think I can handle any of the pre-natal tests right now, Duck. Hold them for me, will you?” He had to be able to mourn Jenny first before even thinking about the fact that she was pregnant with his child. “And all the Intel you can find on Vance that you don’t already have. You have friends in high places; I’m going to need all of them. Pull in favors if you have to, but I need everything.”

“You will have any favors and connections I have, Jethro. Her death will not be in vain. Comfort yourself with the fact that she went out the way she wanted to, Jethro. She didn’t have to waste away…” Ducky sighed, blinking back tears, leaning against the gentle hands of support he had nearby.

“I’m so sorry, my dear boy. You must tell me if I’m speaking out of turn.”

"Thanks, Duck. I know you're going to miss her too. And knowing what you knew, maybe this was better." He said the words, but there was nothing behind them. He knew that if Jen had to die, in a blaze of glory would be how she chose. Dying in a hospital bed with everyone around to watch her wither away wouldn't be her choice. "I appreciate the honest words, doesn't make them easier to hear, but I know some day the truth will help."

“I’ll refrain…unless you want to know, of course and then I’ll rely on you to ask, Jethro. I’m sorry.” Ducky stayed quiet, not wanting to twist the knife in deeper.

 

Tony vaguely heard someone going up the stairs and raised his head from his position on the couch. The wind had kinda blown him and a few bottles of the hard stuff with him here to Casa Gibbs and he’d been drinking for a couple of hours now. He wanted to say goodbye to his boss before he shipped out. To where, he didn’t know. The Reagan had just left San Diego on Sunday and their location and deployment weren’t advertised, even to him, God, he was going to miss everyone- Gibbs and Abby the most.

“Hey, Boss. Didn’t wanna drink alone.” Tony vaguely waved at the figure who passed by the door of the den and then whirled back and stood in the doorway. “Don’t do that, makin’ me dizzy, Boss. Want some of mine ‘stead of that swill you drink? Spensive stuff. Only the best since I caused her to die.”

"Let me call you back, Duck. I've got DiNozzo here, and he's not doing so well." Jethro disconnected the phone and sighed.

Ducky looked at Tim and Abby after hanging up. “He wants you and me to take some time off, Abigail. You should be safe enough, young Timothy.” They had come over with food and drink and were now seated around his dining room table, as aware of how crooked Vance was as he was. “Jennifer wrote him a letter, a heartbreaking letter telling him some truths he need never have known if you asked me.” 

He reached for Abby’s hands and placed his own on Timothy’s arm. “You must know this so that you may understand how to proceed with Jethro. Jennifer was expecting his baby, a son. She became pregnant in late December and I diagnosed her with a terminal illness in March. She would never have carried the baby to term, had she lived until then, but she refused to abort. He must be in such emotional pain and agony now, my dears.”

"She was pregnant? That makes it worse, and that it was Gibbs' baby, he must be a wreck." Abby didn't know what she should do. She knew Ducky and McGee needed her, but Gibbs was Gibbs, and wouldn't ask if he needed some support. "Maybe I should go over there, see if he needs a friend. I'll take the time off, but I'm not going to leave him alone. He needs us, and I can help, I'm not useless. I have a ton of vacation time banked, and I want to be in on this. I didn't take any time after Kate; I think I deserve time off now for Jenny."

“She was, Abigail. I wanted to tell you both but I was sworn to silence.” Ducky stood, pulling first her and then Timothy as well into his arms. “We’ll go together, deliver this paperwork and be there with him and Tony, who is there and not coping well. We should…say goodbye…to Tony.”

He brushed Tim’s hair back gently and ran a hand over the other man’s face. “Timothy, Abigail, I believe the time for secrets and hiding has passed. Our own should come to light. Have either of you any objections?”

“Not if it’s Tony and Gibbs.” Abby looked at Tim to see if he agreed, and at least he didn’t disagree. “They would protect our relationship, but we still need to keep it from the new Director.” 

“We all have a common goal, my dears.Timothy? What do you think?”

Tim set his jaw and nodded. “I’m not ashamed. I’m proud to be with both of you. I love the both of you and I don’t mind if our team knows. And they are still our team.”

Just saying it hurt, knowing that someone else was sitting in Jenny’s office, behind her desk. “I don’t trust him, I don’t like him and he took my Timmy away. Three strikes and he needs to be out.”

“He isn’t to be trusted, Abby. Let’s gather our paperwork and drive over there. And they do not get our Timothy. He’s just moved down onto the second floor for the time being.” He cupped Tim’s chin in his hand. “Rest assured, Tim, that this is only temporary. Gibbs is as determined as I’ve ever seen him. We will reunite this team. I promise you that.”

 

Turning off his cell, Gibbs looked at the younger man and saw how bad he was looking. "My swill has been doing just fine thank you. If you're looking to get drunk, even for a cause, does it matter if it's the good stuff or not?"

Obviously, he wasn't drinking nearly as well as he should be. Tony was well past his point of drunk, which was rather depressing if he were into competitive drinking. "You pull the trigger, DiNozzo? Don't think so. You did exactly what your director told you to do, and that's what she and I would both expect from you. Then, you realized that she was in trouble, and tried to find her. It's what you were supposed to do, and what I would have expected you to do. Still doesn't make it your fault."

“Mine’s tastier,” Tony insisted. “Don’t try to absolve me, Gibbs. Ziva wanted to see her. I wanted to see more of Ziva. Ziva in that bikini….My fault, just like Jeanne.” He shook his head, tears running down his face. “Much as I try, Boss. Can’t get it together. Can’t be a man. Can’t be ‘sponsible.” He looked up at Gibbs. “Jus’ wanted to be heroic like you. Now ‘m getting shipped out.”

"Tony, she was dying. She knew it and she knew that she wasn't going to make it out of this. If I know anything, it's how the woman thought." Gibbs walked and sat down next to Tony. Taking one of the bottles, he held it in his hands, not opening it yet. "You know why she did what she did? She was protecting me. I didn't follow up on one loose end; Jen said it was done so I took her at her word. Turns out the loose end took out Decker and Jen both. I'm the only one alive from that op, and it's because Jen let herself be killed. You couldn't have stopped that, even if you had been there. Instead of dealing with just Jen's death, I'd be mourning you and Ziva both."

“Wouldn’t mourn me, Gibbs. Nobody would. Well, maybe Abby. But nobody else. Ziva’d be relieved. McGee’d be relived. My father…relieved. Nobody…Jeanne, relieved. Just destroyin’ lives. That’s me. 

“I told you once you’re irreplaceable DiNozzo, not changing my mind now.” He knew that Tony was drunk, but Gibbs didn’t like hearing how bad off he was. “No one from our team would be relieved you were gone. Your dad and Jeanne, they don’t count. Neither of them knows the real you. Listen to me, Tony, if I lost you too, not sure I could keep going on.”

“Family, lovers should know the real you, Gibbs. Shouldn’t they?” Tony heard the words but he wasn’t sure he could allow himself to believe. “Losing me. USS Gipper. Win one for the Gipper, Gibbs. You seen it?”

"You telling me that you let Jeanne see the real you, while on assignment? Come on DiNozzo, you're better than that. You know you didn't let her see you. Tony DiNardo, sure. But you're not him, and he isn't you."

“He became me, a part of me, Gibbs. I fell in love with her. Me. Who doesn’t do love. Who has a crush on you. Me. I fell in love, Gibbs and don’t tell me you didn’t before. On assignment. Oh fuck.”

Tony wasn’t drunk enough to miss the look of anguish on Gibbs’ face. “Sorry. So stupid. God, Gibbs. Sorry.”

“He might have been a part of you, DiNozzo, but he wasn’t you. You fell in love with an idea, just like Jeanne did. Makes what happened that much worse. Should have never gotten that far. You shouldn’t have been put in that position.” Jen’s vengeance had ruined more lives than hers, and now he was the one who was going to have to pick up all the shattered pieces. “You’re a good man and a good agent. Shouldn’t have needed to use you that way. She took something personal to her and made it your problem.”

“M a grown man, Gibbs. Shoulda not gotten swept away. Shoulda never been romantic.” He closed his eyes. “Love is for suckers. Better to watch it on movies and stuff.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Just gonna say bye, Gibbs, ‘fore I ship out. Should go. Hard on you too.”

Still looking at the bottle in his hands, Gibbs needed to do something about all of this. But what? Before he could stop himself, his mouth was open and words were coming out. "Don't go. Give your resignation; don't take the deployment. I've lost too many team members. I'm not losing you. I'm going after Vance, going to make him regret ever going after us. Turn in your resignation; move in here if you think the money is going to be tight. Move in here even if it isn't. I want us together. It's going to get ugly, and the more of us together the better it is for us. Don't leave, Tony."

“I’m thinker than I’m drunk. Coulda sworn you told me to resign and come live here. You can’t stand me on a good day, Gibbsy. ‘Slike one of my fantasies, but you haven’t gone down on me yet.”

What had he just said? Oh fuck. “How come you’re not assing my kick yet, Gibbs?” At a loss for what else to do, he started chugging vodka. “Director sick? Even so, my fault. All my fault. Made a doctor frame me. “Sa talent, Gibbsy boy. Destroyin’ lives, my talent. Dad drunk ‘cause of me. Mom drunk ‘cause of me. Nobody loved me. Unfuckingloveable. ’cept the bottle loves me now.”

“I said it and I meant it, Tony. Move in here. I’m not going to be providing sexual favors, so that part of your fantasy is going to have to come from someplace else. Just keep your partners legal while you’re here and I don’t care. At least one of us will be getting some.” Once they were both sober, Gibbs was going to have Ducky talk to Tony, try to get him to see how wrong he was. “You’re loveable, just not my type. You’re parents were fucked up and it had nothing to do with you. Got to believe that.”

Tony struggled for sobriety. Had Gibbs just reacted totally casually to his slip up? “Move in? No USS Gipper? Trust me? After Jenny? And Jeanne?”

He buried his head in his hands. “A drunk just like my parents, Gibbsy. Irrespon’ble. Need someone care me. You? Wanna? Now you know about me?” Tony couldn’t wrap is muzzy mind around it all, but he didn’t want to look a gift Gibbs in the mouth.

“Kay, you the Boss. TV show. Tony Danza and he was a maid.” He shook his head. “Jus’ tell me what to do, Boss.”

"Last time I saw you drunk was after Kate, Tony. Don't think that twice in that many years is what's going to turn you into a drunk. Now, nights like this and asking for a blow job, well that might get your teeth kicked in, and push you to drinking. But I'm not turning you out because of that. Not turning you out because you're different. Always knew that, now you've just confirmed it for me."

“Three years, Gibbs. She’s been gone three years. May 24, 2005. Almost three years to the day.” Tony wanted to get belligerent but he was teary instead. “Different how? Cause I wanted ta give ya a ride? Who wouldn’t. Man, woman, doesn’t matter. Wanted it to break you an’ see inside, but I’m seein’ inside tonight, Gibbs. Without it.”

Tony closed his eyes. “Love her, Gibbs. Kate. Like Abbs, like a sister. Not like Zeeeeevah. Miss Kate. Gonna miss Zeeeevah too. They all go. Only you an’ me an’ Ducky an’ Abby left.”

~*~

She moaned, coming to slow awareness, the tang of the water and the rocking motion her only clues to her surroundings. “Where...?” She looked up at the grizzled grim looking man who handed her a bottle of water. “What…?”

Her shoulder was on fire, her arm secured to her body as well and her head was spinning.

“Good morning Sleeping Beauty.” For the first time since he’d pulled her out of the diner, Mike Franks breathed a sigh of relief. “Sorry I let you down back there. Luckily, I was able to get you the hell out of there before your agents came bursting through the door. My LA contact was able to secure a close enough look alike to convince anyone short of Probie that you were the dead woman in the diner. Luckily, we and the body were both gone by the time he arrived.”

They had taken quite a risk, setting up the op the way they had. Leave Jenny alone to meet the assassins alone, then for him to follow up behind them. Almost didn’t work, and when he saw her take the bullet to the chest, he knew they’d failed. After finishing off the gunmen still alive, he came to Jenny, checking for a pulse he was sure he wouldn’t find. That he found something, even if it wasn’t strong, was a shock. He called his buddy, who he’d stationed just down a ways from where they were and together they got Jenny undressed and the nameless corpse into her clothes. They drove off just as the NCIS protection detail pulled up, and he could only hope that they never noticed the car driving away.

“How are you feeling? We need to get you out of the country immediately. You’ve been out for two days. My friend is the one who patched you up and stayed with you while I went back to Washington. Congratulations, Ms. Sheppard, how’s it feel to be dead?”


	2. The Letter

Jenny blinked up at Franks then put her hand over her stomach where just the barest of bulges could be felt. “B-baby?” She couldn’t get her thoughts together but she knew all of this had been for the life inside her. And his father. Had they failed?

"Far as I can tell, kid's just fine. Tough bastard like his father." Mike knew why they were doing this, but he still didn't like it. "Now that you're awake, we need to get back to my place. You're dead and buried. Can't have you turning up alive. Probie took care of your first problem, but Vance is still running loose. Got to give our boy a little time to grieve before we can expect him to take out the bad guy. Hope you like Mexican food, cause it's all we get down there. I've got a trunk full of bottled water for you, too. Can't have you getting any sicker then you are because you catch some bug."

Jenny watched him for a few minutes, her clarity slowly coming back. There had been a shooting. Cleanup? Where had she been hit? “Mike? How bad? What went wrong? Think I’m…dead?”

“Jethro?”

“Probie’s fine. Dropped ya off with a doctor friend of mine and found Probie before he did anything too stupid.” Mike wanted to believe that Gibbs would have pulled his gun, but the man he trained wasn’t the man standing in Jen’s study the other night. “And the op went to hell in a hand basket. Dragged your shapely ass out of there and managed to clean up well enough that no one suspected the woman I planted wasn’t you. You’re dead and you’re also homeless. Big fire in Georgetown last night, your townhouse is pretty much a smoldering pile of rubble.”

“Jethro? You?” Mike had gone to Washington? There was a look in his eyes that worried her. She sat up slowly, wincing, trying not to whimper. “Tell me everything.” She especially wanted to know about Jethro and how he was dealing. “Tony? Ziva? My agents.” She blinked back a wave of dizziness. “Tell me everything.”

“Had to be done. Couldn’t let anyone find the body of the woman who set up the hit. Turns out that son of a bitch Vance has a sense of humor. Claimed the woman they found in the shell of your home was you. Saw a chance to clean up a mess and move up the chain of command. When you go back, promise me you’ll bleach your office. I’m pretty sure the man will leave a layer of slime that will be a real bitch to get rid of.” 

Mike didn’t think now was the time to get into what had happened with the team. He hadn’t heard from Gibbs, but he had people in DC who had let him know. “Right now, we really need to get out of here. I have all your paperwork, Mrs. Franks. A well-traveled passport, luckily your license photo looks like you. We need to get across the border, then you can get some sun while Probie cleans up the mess you made. Then we’ll work at getting you back where you belong. Want you gone before you go squirting that kid out. One baby is more than I can handle at a time.”

Jenny sat for a few minutes, trying to gather her strength. “It’s done?” Mike nodded and she let out a relieved sound. “You, or Jethro?”

“Me. Probie, he wanted to analyze what was happening. Must be your doing. Never would have happened if I were still on board. The boy’s gone soft.” Mike knew that Gibbs had wanted answers, but he wasn’t going to get them from a crazy bitch with a grudge. “Had to be done. We weren’t going to learn anything we didn’t know from her. Obviously, I didn’t teach him well enough. Never leave a loose end, and you always check your partner. No offense of course, Madam Director. You weren’t much more than a probie yourself, were you?”

She was impressed by Mike’s connections and sharpness. Clearly, his time in Mexico hadn’t dulled him too much. “Being your wife doesn’t mean you get to check out my ass, you know.”

“Small cabana, Jen, you’re going to be in tight quarters with me, my boy’s woman and my granddaughter. Better get used to being up close and personal with me. Me checking out your ass is the least of your worries.”

She refused to take his arm, just stood slowly. “You sure I’m not dead, Mike? I feel like it. What do you need from me?”

He let out a low chuckle. “Oh, you’re alive. Might wish you weren’t, but you are. You took some superficial hits, one through and through to the shoulder, just outside of your vest. Gonna hurt, and because of your condition, can’t give you any more pills than you’re already taking. So it may be an uncomfortable drive for you. Just let me know, and I’ll try to make stops as much as I can.” There wasn’t anything he needed from Jennifer Sheppard, at least not at the moment. In the future, you just never knew what this favor might lead to. “I need you to relax and let me do the driving. When we get to the border, smile pretty and pretend you’re in love. Shouldn’t have too much trouble, but never know. Just keep it light, and pretend you don’t have a care in the world.”

Jen tested her reflexes and range of motion, groaning with the effort. Maybe she was getting older, or it was because of her condition, but she couldn’t shake this off like she had in the past. “I feel a lot worse, Mike. Is it my…condition?” She stood as tall as she could, dignity and pride some of the only things she had left. And she had a perverse need to impress this man, who had trained the man who had made her the agent she was.

“You can count on me, Mike…and thank you. You’re putting your neck on the line for me and I’m not sure I understand why.”

“Not for you, I owe Probie. He let me walk away from a situation that rightfully, I shouldn’t have. You’re important to him, and I plan on making sure you and the baby get back to him.” Mike didn’t like owing anyone, not even Jethro Gibbs. This would square away any debt that he owed, and he’d actually do a good thing. He was to have to stop that. The girl and baby were a bad influence on him. “Just don’t get used to it. I’m not a nice man.”

“Well, then, your probie’s lucky to have you.” The thought of anyone calling Jethro “probie” was outrageous but it worked for Mike. “Never thought you were nice. You’re just a terrible man who was a life long NCIS agent. I see where you weren’t a nice man at all. What was your close rate? Ninety-two percent or so? Professional failure too, I see.”

"You tell him that when we get you back into your fancy business suits and plush office. I'm the last person he wants to hear from right now, he’s gotta bury himself in his grief and righteous anger. And play with that hunk of wood of his. I wasn't able to save you, so while I saved his worthless ass, I'm still not top of his list of favorite people." What he'd done before he left the states and found his little cottage by the sea had nothing to do with the type of person he was. "You're not going to goad me, Little Girl. I was a damn good agent, for all it gave me in return. Doesn't mean I was a good person, just someone good at his job."

“Oh, Mike. That job will never wait for me. Even after Vance, there will be a line of little ass kissers waiting.” This banter was helping her to regain her strength. “And Mike, for the record, I’m nobody’s little girl.” She leaned in, brushing a teasing kiss over his cheek.

“At least outside of bed. And I don’t think your probie would approve of us getting that deeply under covers.”

“Don’t go playing with fire, Wife! Wouldn’t want to do anything that would make Gibbs question your loyalty to him would you?”

“Never,” Jen replied, splaying her hand over his chest. “But flirtation will help me to get into character. You want me to be head over heels for you, not just merely tolerating you while I fantasize about Jethro, don’t you? I can be a good actress, but I have to feel my part.”

If flirting with him was going to lead to his mild discomfort, then that could make things even more interesting. She could regain the upper hand that way. As long as he kept his mind on the bottom line. “Do you object, Michael, darling? Or would you rather I call you Mickey, my love machine?”

"I'm not a Michael or a Mickey, sweet cheeks." Mike was pretty sure he should have left Jen shot on the floor, and taken his chances with her survival if this was how it was going to be. She was infuriating, but luckily, she wasn't his problem for long. "Mike is fine Honey, call me anything else, and you'll see why I never got married.”

“Okay, Mikey.” He blushed before looking infuriated, and she kissed his cheek again. “This is merely a distraction. Trust me, I won’t consistently drive you crazy, Sweetheart.” She turned serious now. “Did your doctor friend say anything about my health or what I need to do to keep myself as healthy as possible. Mike…does my baby have a chance?”

“Oh, you’re going to drive me crazy, Jen. I can already tell. Don’t have to do much more than you already are.” Mike wished he had better answers, but really he didn’t know anything more then he knew before. “He gave me some suggestions for natural treatments, vitamins and supplements that won’t hurt the baby but might help stop the progress of your tumor. Said to make sure you keep taking your medications too. He’ll get us what ever we need so just keep me posted on when you’re running out. He left a couple months supply, but I don’t know how long this is going to take. You’re also on strict rest and relaxation orders. Which means you get to sit on the beach day in and day out, getting tan and enjoying your time off.”

“Someone needs to get me a bikini then,” Jen quipped, trying to keep the emotion at bay, but blinking back tears despite her best efforts. “Mike, just tell me what I need to do to keep this baby alive for Jethro. That is all that matters to me right now. I know my death warrant is signed, I know the tumor isn’t operable.”

She leaned in, needing his support. “Thank you for saving me, even temporarily, Mike.”

“I’m on a private beach, why bother with tan lines if no one will bother you?” He could deal with angry Jennifer and defiant Jennifer, but crying Jennifer wasn’t something he wanted to face. “We’re going to do what we can to keep you and the baby alive for Probie. He deserves a little happiness in his life. You’re carrying that happiness and the least I can do is take care of it for him. You are going to find out first hand why I chose this beach in Mexico to retire on. No where in the world more relaxing than my front yard. We’re going to get you better if it’s possible, so you and Probie Junior there can go home and lead a long and happy life.”

“Mike, I never would have pegged you for a nude sunbather.” She knew her joke was falling a bit flat, but she was trying so hard to be lighthearted. “In the end, don’t worry about me. Just get my little boy to his father. Jethro deserves that second chance at parenthood. That is what matters in the end, and what is most important. Everything else, including me, is secondary.”

Mike set his jaw and shook his head. “Not to that baby, he deserves two parents. I see my son’s little girl with her mom, and know even though she’s fine and her mom takes good care of her, and I’m there to help out, she’d be better off with my boy there too.” He wouldn’t let Jen’s baby grow up without a mom, not if he could do anything about it. “So you relax, let me take care of you and we’ll get this baby into the world with as little stress on your body as possible. Kid needs a mom, to stop him from being the crazy kid building a boat in his basement in kindergarten.”

Jen couldn’t say a word, just nodded and hung on to Mike’s shirt as the emotion washed through her. She would much rather deal with the physical injuries rather than being tormented about what her people were going through and the toll on the baby.

~*~

Ducky sorted through the paperwork as Tim drove and Abby chattered the entire way to Jethro’s home. She insisted on stopping to pick up some coffee for Jethro, though they’d brought along Caf Pow and a selection from the Mallard liquor cabinet. Mother’s nurse was being paid time and a half so they could take all night if possible. Timothy had already called in sick and he and Abby would craft their leave of absence letters tonight.

This was such a distasteful business and it was high time it ended. Director Vance would not be able to continue this. Jenny meant far too much to all of them.

“Jethro?” Ducky called as he walked inside, leading the way. “Tony?”

Tony raised his head. “Orgy, Bossman. If I can’t have a ride, mebbe Probie’d let me in? Or Ducky? ’S a reason why he isn’t married and lives with his mom.” He patted Gibbs’ cheek. “Sad Gibbs not as sexy as Angry Gibbs. Know ‘m not getting any from you but a guy can hope. Least ya didn’t deck me.”

Tim followed Ducky in, very unsettled about all of it. He’d kind of liked Vance until Ducky had shown him the paperwork and he realized they’d all been played. But Ziva was on the way home and Tony was leaving and there didn’t seem a way to fix this in time. And the director was gone. Maybe if he and Abby had gone to Gibbs they could have helped.

He stopped suddenly as Ducky jerked to a stop. God, Tony looked awful. He was sitting on the couch, Gibbs beside him, looking rough himself. Tim scooted a little closer to Ducky for reassurance. “Hi.”

“Probielicious! C’mere and gimme a goodbye kiss?”

“Tony, you’re drunk.”

“Uh huh. And I asked Gibbs to suck me but he would have none of it. You ever been with a guy, Probster? Bet not. It’s good. ‘M good.”

“Anthony…” Ducky broke in. “Jethro, Abby has coffee. He needs to sober up apparently.”

“Why? Sobering up going to make it better? I don’t think so, Duck.” Coffee would be good, but he’d be adding a decent sized shot of whiskey to it. “Maybe it’s just that you three aren’t drunk enough. Can probably fix that, although not sure I have enough liquor to really get Abby drunk. Girl can drink any soldier I know, including me, under the table. They breed them strong down in the bayou, has to be it. She’s tall, but that doesn’t mean she should be able to drink the way she does.”

“Make me sound like a lush, Gibbs. It’s not my fault you Marines are light weights.” Handing over the coffee, Abby cringed at the sight of the amount of liquor he added to the cup after taking a sip. “Won’t do you any good that way. You’re going to want to know what Ducky has for you. Know and remember, two key things, Boss.”

“Well, I can see we’re getting nothing accomplished tonight. Have you another spare bedroom for Timothy, Abigail, and myself, Jethro? Preferably with a king bed, but if necessary we can squeeze into a queen but a double won’t do at all.” He stumbled to a stop, looking at Abby and Tim.

“Ah, well… yes then. I suppose the cat has been let out of the bag, my dears. Jethro, Anthony, perhaps I should spell it out for you both, as you’re quite inebriated. Tim, Abby, and myself are in a relationship. Yes, Jethro, a relationship of the carnal kind, and yes, Anthony, Timothy and myself are also involved. Any more questions?”

“Tonight I wanna drink not think, Duck. You could be screwing Tony too, and the only thing I’d find important is where my drink is coming from. DiNozzo’s got the right idea tonight. Was far too sober when I was talking to you. This is much better.”

The hurt in Jethro’s voice cut Ducky to the core, but he understood. Not particularly caring if he’d be rejected, he pulled Jethro into a fierce hug. “I’m so sorry, dear boy. So very sorry. She…” There was so much to say and he just couldn’t do it, not yet, maybe not unless Jethro asked.

“Timothy? I think I’d like to start drinking. What have we brought along? Do we have any cognac perhaps?”

Tim reached into the bag and pulled out various bottles. “Grand Marnier, Crown Royal Special Reserve whiskey… Tequila for Abby, yes, here’s some Remy Martin and some Hennessy. Even got some Wild Turkey here for Gibbs and my old friend Johnnie Walker. Nothing like scotch if you want to get really drunk and I better get with the program. Abby, what’s your poison tonight?”

"Start me with the tequila, I'll work my way out, you're going to share with me aren't you, Timmy? I promise to be a good girl if you will."

“I don’t want to be anyone’s good girl. Lemme start off with Mr. Walker.” He handed Ducky the Remy Martin and Abby the tequila and broke the seal on his bottle. “To…Oh hell. To the director. May those who didn’t like her rot in hell. Starting with Vance.”

“Oh, I plan on seeing him doing just that, McGee. We’re taking the bastard down.” Gibbs took a drink of his bourbon, glad that everyone was here with him tonight, wishing Ziva was here as well. It was a nice tribute to a damn fine woman. “Might be joining him, but I’m going to make sure that Vance doesn’t get a chance to enjoy the director’s office for very long.”

“You will not be joining them, Jethro. I made a promise to Jenny and the baby. I promised them both that I would watch after you. I will not allow you to make a liar out of me.” Ducky’s voice was shaking and Tim wrapped an arm around him.

"We'll all be watching out for him, Sweetheart. We won't let him go flying off the handle." Abby came up on the other side of her lover, trying to be consoling. They were all upset, and only because of that would she forgive Gibbs for scaring Ducky. "What we do will be above board. We won't let the boss go down for something like this. We're too good at solving crimes, we know what is needed to hide one."

Ducky relaxed against Abby and Tim. “I cannot let you hurt yourself, Jethro. I’ve been through this twice, the first time in Paris…and now. I held so much from you, Jethro. Oh…dear boy… I’m so sorry.”

“You only did what she asked you to do, Duck. I knew, or at least suspected, she was sick. When I asked and you wouldn’t answer, I knew something wasn’t right. Asked her, and she didn’t lie to me, but she obviously didn’t tell me the truth either. You only did what you had to do. It’s not your fault she never told me.”

“You didn’t know about the children, dear boy. That I wish I could have shared with you.” Ducky winced, calling them children made it so much more real…and heartbreaking.

“What are you talking about, Duck? One baby doesn’t make children.” He couldn’t think about it, could barely face the fact that Jen could have been carrying twins. Would she have lied in her letter to spare him? 

“The child in Paris, dear boy. And the child you just lost.” The look in Jethro’s eyes was almost enough to bring him to his knees. “Two babies makes children.”

“Yeah, your right it does. I haven’t processed the first baby. I’m not in a place yet where I can. Need to mourn Jen and this baby, and then deal with what happened in the past.” The only thing he knew at the moment was that Jen was gone and there was nothing he could do to fix it. “Give me time, Duck. This is as hard as losing Shannon and Kelly; I can’t wrap my head around it.” Jethro turned the bottle around in his hands, staring at it from different angles between sips.

Ducky sank to his knees so he was at eye level, or lower, with Jethro, cupping the man’s overwarm cheeks in his hands. “I know, dear boy. I know.” The tears Ducky had been keeping at bay spilled over as he continued to meet Jethro’s gaze. “If I could have saved her, I would have moved heaven and earth to have done so, Jethro.”

“You might have been able to. But what happened out there… that has little to do with what was wrong with her. Someone put a hit out, and not even you, Duck, could have prevented that from happening.” Jethro appreciated the sentiment, but knew none of them could have done anything to stop this. Not even him, and that was extremely difficult to deal with. “Will haunt me, should have done something, should have done more.”

“It was terminal, dear boy. Fast growing, no chance of surgery.” Ducky wanted to say more. “There are other letters, but I’m only to give you them if you feel you’re able to deal with it all.” He shuddered and sighed. “Jethro, at least she chose her path. Surely that must be…”Ducky sighed, trailing off. Of course it was not comforting.

"Someday, I want them." It would be difficult hearing from Jen beyond the grave, but it might make healing easier. "You'll know when the right time is. I trust you to make that decision for me."

Ducky nodded his head, running a gentle hand over Jethro’s cheekbones. “I’ll keep that in mind, old friend.” He stood, looking between the woozy Gibbs and clearly drunken Tony.

Jethro halted Ducky’s touch with a gently restaining hand.“He’ll be okay Duck. We both will be. There is a lot of guilt for both of us. But we have the team, and I know that we’ll both be leaning on all of you.”

“And know that while Abigail and I are not agents, we are here as support. The two of us care so deeply about you. About all of you, not only our boy Timothy.”


	3. The Letter

Chapter 3

“Probie’s Ducky and Abby’s play toy? This is great! I can’t even seduce Gibbs and Probie’s getting his own bangers and mash.” Tony turned to Abby. “Best friends share everything. Why’d ya not share this one, Abbs?”

“You never asked, Tony. Besides, it sorta turned into a competition to see if we could keep this information from two highly trained agents.” Abby was glad that they had pulled it off, that no one had suspected. “I will share just about anything. But not Tim and Ducky. Hands off.,” She growled, more in play than seriousness before continuing. “And what is this about seducing Gibbs? Tony, have you been holding out on us?”

“Did Ziva know?” Ziva. That one hurt. Tony knw he was much closer to Abby than his partner was. “Tried to get Gibbs in bed. Gibbs not interested. Too bad. Want him. Want him a lot. Daddy complex, maybe. Hey Gibbsy, Could we do platonic in bed, d’ya think? Don’t wanna sleep alone tonight. Gonna picture her face. All bloody and still. God dammit. Dammit! I shoulda been there. Fucking shoulda been me! Then ya’d be drinking in relief. Not sadness.”

Tim winced. He’d never seen Tony like this before. “Come on, Tony. You followed orders. You did what you were trained to do.”

Self-loathing turned to anger when McGee spoke. “Shut up, McGee, just shut up! You’re a stupid probie. You know nothing. Know nothing, stupid probie.” He struggled to get up, to start hitting McGee and not stop but someone had his arm in a tight grip.

“Shoulda been me,” Tony whispered, near tears.

"Tony, you listen to me. This isn't your fault; it also isn't Tim's. Cut him some slack, got it?" Abby held onto her friend, knowing that he was so drunk, he wouldn't be able to shake off a sober woman. "No one blames you, and you shouldn't blame yourself. If you or Ziva had been there, you wouldn't have been able to do anything. You would have ended up dead too. I can't lose you on top of Jenny. I need you here too much."

Tony shook her hand off, standing unsteadily. “Well, I’m off to the USS Gipper at oh dark hundred and Ziva’s already on her way back to Israel, so you can deal, Abby. You lost us too.” He stared at Gibbs, making it a challenge. “And I got nothing here no more so ‘scuse me. Gotta pack up. Gotta go. Sorry, Boss. Can’t do it. Got too much I want an can’t have. Been real. Been fun. But it…it…”

He just shook his head and staggered to the door, making it outside and heading for his car. He wouldn’t let them see him crying.

“Excuse me, for a moment.” Gibbs lurched up, spilling the remaining amber liquid in his glass. He knew someone would refill it by time he came back. Following Tony out the door, he knew he had to get to him before he made a bad situation worse. Wasn’t going to let him get sent to jail on a DUI if he could prevent it. 

“DiNozzo, you’re not leaving! Too drunk to even consider it. Come back in, we’ll drink and feel twice as bad in the morning, with the support of one another. Not gonna let you just take off like this. I’m still your boss and can still make you do what I want.”

“Not my boss, Gibbs. Got kicked off your team, remember? USS Gipper, remember? Jenny dead, my fault, remember?” He grabbed Gibbs’ shirt in his fists. “Screwup. Better off dead. Remember? Remember, Gibbs? ‘Cause I can’t forget! How much I drink, I can’t forget, Gibbs. She was lying there so still, and she looked so old. Gibbs…”

"Come here DiNozzo." Jethro said softly . He needed to fix this as much as he needed fixing. "I'm not losing you, not to another assignment and not to your memories. You shouldn't have had to see her like that. Trust me, she wouldn't have wanted it any more then you wanted to see it. You know Jen. If her suit didn't have the perfect crease and her make up and hair wasn't flawless, she'd hide in her office all day. She's probably sitting on a cloud, horrified to be seen not at her best. And she'd never blame you for this; I don't blame you for this. No one blames you, Tony. We all love you and want to help you, but you have to let us."

“Come where, Gibbs? Where? Where is there on earth where I won’t blame myself? Even if none of you do, I blame myself, Gibbs. I can’t get them out of my head and conscience. First Jeanne, now Jen. Now you want me to leave the only thing I was ever good at, Gibbs. My job. To…to stay here? To be tormented by wanting you. To watch you go to work every day when I have nothing? What do you want from me, Boss?” Tony leaned on the hood of his car for a moment, before throwing up once, twice.

When he was done, a little more clarity returning, he spoke again.

“I’ve burned too many bridges. Peoria, Philly, Baltimore, NCIS. What’s left for me, Gibbs? Rent a cop at the mall? The Gipper? I loved her, Gibbs. I could have made it work with her. Then it all fell apart and now I don’t have anything left.”

“You’re going to have NCIS again. I meant it, Tony. The bastard won’t know what hit him, and not even a mall will hire him when I’m finished.” He refused to watch Tony destroy himself. Jen wouldn’t have wanted it and Jethro wouldn’t allow it. “You want a job? You’re hired. You’re responsible for watching my six; you need to make sure that Vance doesn’t get me. He took out Jen, indirectly, but still did. I need someone I can trust, and that someone is you.”

Tony snorted. “And how ya gonna pay me, Boss? You aren’t paying in what I want. Guy has to live, and eat….and pay his way.” He leaned over, retching again. “Gibbs, don’t you understand? If I stay here…it wouldn’t work. I’ve got too much frustration and need and…heartache. Seems okay for me to drink like this. Don’t like feeling. Don’t want to feel anything right now.”

He had to be trashed, he knew it, despite him throwing up everything he’d drunk recently. There was no other explanation for what he did. And Gibbs just stood there as Tony grabbed a bottled water and rinsed his mouth out, crunched on an altoid and then leaned in to brush a kiss over Gibbs’ mouth.

“That’s what I want. You.”

“You’re drunk, and I think that’s got a lot to do with it, DiNozzo.” The kiss hadn’t been bad, brief and soft. If he closed his eyes, he could almost believe it was someone else, someone curvy and definitely female. He’d never had any interest in another man, but he wouldn’t turn his back on one, especially not one of his team members. 

“Tony, you won’t remember you did that in the morning and I’m not going to bring it up. We’ll sort out payment and how you’re going to survive until I get you your proper job back. This is an insult, best agent on the east coast being sent out to sea, even if they term it as a special privilege. You were offered a leadership position in Spain; you should have at least been offered the equivalent. I could understand losing you to that. But not to this, and I’m not going to let you go. So come back in, DiNozzo. We have more drinking and more toasting to do before the night is up. Lots of liquor to honor a damn fine woman. Need you there with us. Need to keep you with us.”

“You’re wrong. I will remember, because Gibbs, I wanted that. I wanted it. And I want it again and again.Damn you! Why’d you have to make yourself at home in my psyche anyway? I could have done fine, but there you were with headslaps and life lessons and dammit making me a better investigator. And somewhere along the line I fell for you, Gibbs. Not in a boss and subordinate way or authority figure way, but in a we’ve saved each others lives way and I don’t want anyone else watching my six, way. And my fuckups, latest in the long line, took a woman away from you, and if I’m not too trashed to understand, a baby too. You can’t ever respect me, and I can’t ever respect me so it’s better for me to be on the Gipper, or to just start over in another city, probably one beginning with a P would work. But…Gibbs? How do you thank the person who more than anyone else made you the man you are today? How do you…say….goodbye?”

Gibbs set his jaw, shaking his head, hating this. He hated what Tony was going through. Hated the pain Tony was in. He shook his head again before he spoke, trying to push his emotions away.

“You don’t, Tony. You let that person do the one thing he knows how to do, protect the people he loves. I’ve done a pretty shitty job of it lately, but I won’t let you down this time.” Tony was set on leaving, but Jethro had to try and stop him. “You didn’t take anyone away from me. You didn’t do anything wrong, and I wish you’d stop punishing yourself! If you want to take the job on the boat, I can’t stop you, DiNozzo. If you want to spend a couple of years chasing down drunken sailors and running down stolen Iwhatchas, go right on ahead, take this promotion. But I need you here to have my six, and I don’t trust anyone else to do that. 

“No, I don’t want that, Gibbs. But the temptation of being here… God.” Tony did the only thing he could think to do and started pounding his fist into the hood of his beloved car. “Checked out Ziva. Should have been there, Gibbs. Just as responsible as the guys who pulled the trigger, Gibbs.”

Tim, Ducky, and Abby had drifted onto the porch and when Tony started battering his car, Tim sprang into motion. He was probably the most sober of them all. “Boss? Need any help here?”

“I think I’ve got it. Just hang there for a few minutes. Might make DiNozzo reconsider what he’s leaving. Don’t want him to go.”

“Sure, Boss.” Tim hated how broken Tony was.

Gibbs refocused on Tony. “No you’re not responsible, Tony. Maybe you should have been there, but you’d be dead too. Professional hitmen don’t usually miss their target. Would have been you and Jen together. I can’t see you leaving her to go get water. Would have lost the both of you and it would have killed me. Would have lost Ziva too, and I couldn’t have done it. Couldn’t have faced another day at the office. You came home and made it possible. Can’t lose you too, DiNozzo.”

“Leaving to get water?” He sagged against his car, rubbing his hands over the new dents. 

"Long story, but I know that you wouldn't have left her for any reason Tony. Would have gotten you dead, and that is unacceptable.” Gibbs stepped closer, avoiding the puddle Tony’d made on the ground next to his car. A gentle hand settled on Tony’s shoulder and Gibbs squeezed gently.

“How do I walk away from my job, Gibbs? With the promise that you’ll fix it. How?” He was getting teary again, leaning against the comforting warmth of the older man

“I told you once you were irreplaceable, you obviously weren't listening to me then. Listen now." If he thought it would help, he'd give DiNozzo a slap to try and get him to focus. "You belong to me DiNozzo, that's all you need to know right now."

“Belong to you,” Tony nodded, surrendering. “Okay, Boss. Yours. Tell me what to do. Quit, right? Move in here and do whatever…whatever.” He settled against the older man. “All vomited out, want more to drink. Sobriety is overrated.”

“I’ve got a better idea, something that shouldn’t be a problem. Take a leave of absence from work. You need to get your head together. I’ll get Duck or a friend to sign off on it. Then you can help me from here. I’m getting my team back if nothing else, Tony.” But Jethro knew it was more than that. He was going to take NCIS over by force, and there would be no stopping him in bringing Vance down. “I’m getting our lives back, and I’m going to need you to do it.”

Tony nodded, making a decision to put his life and career into Gibbs’ hands. He wrapped the other man in a tight hug. “Don’t hold that kiss against me. I was drunk, still am. Doesn’t mean I don’t have wants or needs, but I’ll try to be hands off, boss. And I know you’ll head slap me if I don’t stay in line.”

"Wouldn't be making this offer if I was going to hold it against you, Tony. Another time and place, without all of this going on, who knows. But right now, I need to stay focused." It hadn't been a horrible kiss, just unexpected and badly timed. Gibbs patted Tony’s back, rubbing it in slow circles.

Was Gibbs saying he wasn’t against being with a guy? He looked over at Ducky, who was on the porch. “We talking a psych leave of absence? Will I be employable if you can’t make it happen?”

"We're talking a break, think of it as a vacation. We only pull out the psych letter if we have to, or we can't come up with something better. But you'll always be employable as long as I have a job. That might be an issue, but then we'll figure it out. There are more agencies out there then NCIS, and half of them would kill to have the two of us working for them."

Tony nodded slowly. “Okay, Boss. I’m not feeling real trusting right now, but you I always trust. And hell..I guess I can be rent a cop. Just find me a mall where college girls hang out and I’ll be happy.” But he knew he sounded anything but.

Tony stared at the ground, releasing the older man, only a little ashamed that he was getting turned on. Alcohol never seemed to bother him as much as it did some people. Hell, it made him even hornier sometimes.

"You're not going to have to go be a security guard. With the recommendations you come with, the recruiters will be knocking on your door as soon as word hits the street you're taking time off." Jethro would make sure that a couple of well placed associates knew that Tony was a free agent, and if all else failed, the younger man would have opportunities that didn't involve cleaning the deck of a boat. "You'll be taken care of. I may not have clout in NCIS anymore, but I do know people who would love to have you on their team."

“Won’t be the same without you, Boss.” Tony knew he was pushing this point, but he had to let Gibbs know how important he was on a professional level, even though he’d already let it be known on a personal level. “Maybe I need to think about coaching or personal training or something instead. I think you ruined me for anyone else. “

“You can do what ever you want, Tony. Whatever it is, will be temporary. I’m going to get the team back together. So if you want to go coach, make sure it’s something you can do on weekends. If you start something, I’ll make sure you can finish it, but I can only cover so many Saturdays for you.” Jethro had every confidence that he’d be able to pull this off. And if he had to, he’d cover for Tony until his obligations were done. 

“You’re being way too damn nice, Gibbs. Didya forget that I just came on to you? You’re just…” Tony sighed. “Drink. We both need to drink a hell of a lot more for any of this to seem like a good idea. And Gibbs? You want me to stay here, but you don’t even have a decent TV. That’s like cruel and unusual punishment.”

“You move what you need in, DiNozzo. Including your TV. Got storage out back, so anything else can go in there. You want a TV, bring it with you or get used to mine. I’ll even let you bring it upstairs if you want, although I expect you to move it again when you leave.” 

Tony gave Gibbs a brief but genuine smile. “My tv will look good here. And my DVDs.”

“Just for the record, didn’t forget about you making a play for me. letting you off with a warning this time. Don’t do it again.”

Tony smile faded when Gibbs mentioned the kiss. “You’re just irresistible, Boss,” he mumbled, feeling awkward and a little confused. “Sorry, won’t happen again.”

“You’re fine DiNozzo, it’s in the past and forgotten. Just heed the warning, don’t do it again and after right now, we never have to talk about it again.”

Tony nodded, shuffling from foot to foot. “Forgotten. Done, Boss.”

Ducky wrapped his arms around Abby. “We’re all falling apart, Dearheart.”

"But we'll pull it back together again, we always do Ducky." Abby wasn't a weak woman, and it probably looked funny to someone who didn't know them, to see the smaller Ducky offering comfort, but she always felt better when he went into protective mode. "It's going to be hard, but we'll make it all better for Tony and Gibbs. It's what we do, Duck. They go out and catch the bad guys; we make it all work."

“They need us more than ever, darling,” Ducky warned quietly. “Look at the two of them, and our Timothy. He looks so lost and alone himself.” Even though losing Jenny to her tumor would have been heartbreaking, at least she could have prepared the agents and support staff. This was so sudden and devastating.

“Timmy knows he has us. He’s just empathetic, after what he went through. He doesn’t want to see anyone hurting this much, not even Tony. We’re part of the team, but we’re not agents, Ducky.” There wasn’t normally a distinction to be made, but there was one, when it came to losing someone. Jen had been one of them and she’d died in a way befitting an agent. “They aren’t just mourning the Director, although that’s a large part of it. But if it could happen to Jenny, it could happen to any of them. It was bad after Kate too if you remember back to those dark days.”

“I remember, Darling. And Christopher, and Paula.” And the countless other friends and colleagues that had passed through his tables. Ducky tightened his arm around Abby. “Timothy? Darling boy, come here.”

Tim drifted closer and Ducky wrapped him in a one-armed embrace. “Just stay close, Timothy. Just stay very close.”

"I'm okay, Duck. Just concerned. Tony's taking this hard. Harder than he should. It's not his fault; he couldn't have stopped what happened."

“For my benefit, my boy,” Ducky said softly. “I know you’re okay, Timothy. You’re so strong and brave right now. I’m so proud of you.” Ducky looked over at Jethro and Tony. “He’s broken, Dear Boy. He’s been breaking since the horrible events of La Grenouille’s death came forth. I suppose it is only natural and human for this to be happening.”

"We'll all take care of him, Timmy. Tony needs all his family around him right now. His parents are useless, so we have to fill in for them." Abby moved away from Ducky and came up on the other side of Tim. "We will be here for one another, to try and get us through all of this. We're going to be okay."

“We will, dear loves. We will be there for Jethro and Tony. They’ll understand what a formidable unit we can all be.”

“Jethro?” Ducky asked quietly. “Why don’t we continue this inside?” Ducky was shocked at how close to the edge Tony was.


	4. The Letter

Chapter 4

"Good idea, Duck. Let’s go inside" Giving Tony one last squeeze, Gibbs latched onto the younger agent's arm, in case he decided to try and make a run for it. "We'll go back in, you can get your buzz back and we'll come up with something to think about tomorrow when we're done being hung over. Assuming we can remember what we talked about tonight."

“Where’m’I gonna sleep, Boss? If they get the guest room, where’s there room for me? Your couch is too short and my car isn’t gonna work.” Tony ran his hand over his car sadly. “Got some body work to do, I guess.”

"I'll sleep under the boat, isn't the first time, won't be the last either I'm sure. You can take my room. Don't know that the mattress is up to your standards, but it will work for tonight, Tony." 

“Not kicking you out of your bed, Boss. I can sleep under the boat. I snore anyway. Ziva…” he blinked back emotion. “She said I snored, but she had no idea how loud she was. Remember? Remember how loud she was? Do any of you remember?”

“You’re not kicking me out of bed, I’m offering, Tony. Big difference.” It was obvious that tonight was a night for Tony to dredge up memories and relive every aspect of every good or bad moment he’d had since joining the team. “I heard just how bad you snore. It’s why I’m offering you the bedroom furthest from anyone else. I have a mattress downstairs, and I take comfort in the boat. You’re fine up here, DiNozzo. I want you to be comfortable. Going to need you in top shape tomorrow morning.”

Tony gave Gibbs a wolfish smile. “We could share. Purely platonic, clothed, the works. I’d even give ya earplugs. What about that, Boss? Doable? Or maybe you can teach me how to work with those hand tools. I’d like to make something…I mean, with my hands.”

There was something kinda nice about this banter with Gibbs.

“If you want to learn how to make a boat, I’ll teach you, DiNozzo. All you had to do was ask. I’m finishing one up right now, and going to start a new one. Be happy to have a little help.”

Tony nodded. He’d always wanted to work with his hands on something like that and he knew it wasn’t an offer Gibbs made to just anyone. Tony allowed himself to be tugged toward the house. “Promise you’ll let me get as drunk as it takes. Til I can’t see her face any more. Til I can’t hear her ordering us to go away.”

"Not gonna stop you. Plan on getting that way myself." He wasn't sure there was a level of drunk that he could get to that would let him forget, but it would at least blur things for a little while. "I pour for you, you pour for me and we'll get drunk together. Seems kind of fitting. We both blame ourselves for what happened, and can't get her out of our heads."

“Why pour? Just slug back from the bottle, Gibbs. You sound too damn civilized. Party only needs one Ducky. Guys like you and me, we’re gonna make the party. You, Abbs, and me we’re the partiers. Man, too bad Abbs is taken, the three of us could play strip poker.”

“Can still play, just can’t touch. Ducky may look all sorts of civilized, but trust me. He can brawl with the best. And while he’s doing that he’s insulting your intelligence and heritage. Don’t want to mess with a man who can out talk you. Never any fun.”

Tony chuckled. “Or a man who can outstare you. You’re the master, Gibbs. The Sensei. The Mr. Miyagi to my karate kid. Wax on, wax off. Someday I gotta know if your mind is that empty when you stare or what you’re thinking.”

“I have no clue what you’re talking about DiNozzo.” There were times when Gibbs hated the movie references, because it was apparent that they were a jab at his lack of pop culture knowledge. Wasn't something that bothered him normally, but when everyone got on him about it, he did let it tweak him a little. "Talk in English, not in movie, or I'm not listening to you."

“There was this movie. The Karate Kid. Ralph Macchio and Al, the guy from Happy Days, the Asian guy. Not the second one, the fat one, but the first one.” Gibbs was starting to look frustrated. “Well anyway, in the movie, the guy from Happy Days, Pat Morita, trains the character played by Ralph Macchio to concentrate and does this exercise. I was just thinking of you as my elder and trainer that way. Make sense? I can’t stare. I talk too much and I’m amazed that you can. That’s all.”

“Makes some sense, although I’m pretty sure I’m not all that excited about being called old, DiNozzo. And just because I’m your teacher doesn’t mean that I’m going to teach you everything I know.” It amused Jethro that Tony thought he had some sort of power to stare or do something better then everyone else. “I’m just a really intense guy. You’ll get there if you stick around. You’re a good investigator even without the stare.”

“Old wise, not old old, Boss. And yeah, I get that you’re intense. Never would have known that beforehand.” Tony shouldn’t have felt so proud that Gibbs said he was a good investigator but he did puff up with pride even if he tried not to show it outwardly.

“Nice save. Even drunk, you can smooth talk, Tony. That’s something I’ve never managed to learn. I’m too brash.” Gibbs was pleased to see Tony was coming around. It gave him hope that things may go back to normal, or as normal as possible right now. 

“I try anyway. Charming, that’s one thing I am.”

Tony’s mind wa stuck on Abby, naked. The idea of strip poker had a lot of appeal. “I’m in for poker but only if you’re in, Boss. Strip poker. Could be fun. Especially with the Probilicious threesome action. Damn! You I could see in a threesome. Ziva I could see in a threesome. Jenny I could see in a threesome. But Probie? And Ducky? And Abby? All together? Doesn’t that blow your mind, Boss? It’s like Loch Ness Brokeback Mountain or something. How do they all fit together, Ducky being so much shorter and all.”

Gibbs colored deeply, “Tony, I’m not sure I want to be thinking about Ducky or any of them like that. It’s bad enough I know now. Not because I’m offended or anything, but there are just visuals I don’t need. Most of them involve Ducky naked with anyone, let alone the girl I think of like a younger sister.” He’d have to bleach his eyes or do something to get that picture out of his head. “However they do it, seems to work don’t you think? They’re happy together.”

“Seems that way.” Tony shrugged. “I guess it works for them. Least some of us are getting some.” When Gibbs glared at him, Tony shrugged. “By getting some, I mean they have a relationship where guys like us don’t. You seen anyone since Mann? What happened there anyway, Boss? You know what happened with Jeanne, so it’s only fair that you tell me what happened with Mann.”

“She wouldn’t leave things in the past,” Gibbs said. It was a simple explanation for a complicated situation. He could have fallen in love with Hollis, even though she wasn’t a redhead. But she was an investigator, and wouldn’t let his past or the fact that he had a daughter and wife before all the exes. “It went bad after the case with Stephanie. Maybe she was feeling insecure but she started snooping around the basement, found a tape I had that Kelly made. She just couldn’t leave it alone and it was very clear after that that I loved her, just wasn’t in love with her.”

Tony blinked a few times, surprised that Gibbs was sharing something this intimate with him. “That must have been rough, Boss. Anyone who knows you understands that you value your privacy. There are things I’d never ask you or push into” And Kelly and Shannon Gibbs were two of those things. “I’m sorry she was a snoop, but I can’t say I’ll miss her. None of us really liked her much. She was too predatory.”

“It wasn’t one of my better moments.” Jethro knew that the team hadn’t ever cared for Hollis, but he’d needed to find out for himself. “Not sure I really miss her either. Better to find out now, than end up with another alimony payment.”

“Got enough of those,” Tony replied. This newfound camaraderie was intriguing.

~*~

The baby waited until they were near the border to make his presence known. Jen had started to feel fluttering a week ago, but she had attributed that to her own nerves. This motion was stronger, more deliberate, and brought unexpected tears to her eyes. The baby wanted to live, and she had to do all in her power to make that happen.

“Mike…”

"Yeah, Babe?" Mike turned to look, wondering what had her all upset again. 

She met his eyes, giving him a gentle smile. “It’s the baby, I’m starting to feel him move!”

"You okay? Are you hurt? Do you need something to eat? I don't know much about pregnant women, so you need to tell me if you need anything. Whatever it is, we'll get it for you. I'm not out to starve you or make it any harder on you."

Mike had been treating her well enough, making sure the air conditioning was blowing on her face and she had water and food. “Mike, I’m managing fine. You don’t need to hover, but I appreciate it.”

“Someone needs to watch out for you, Jen. And since I’m one of two people who know you’re alive, guess it should be me.” He’d gotten used to having women folk around, having his granddaughter and her mother at the house. He knew how delicate they could be, even though his girl had a bit of rough and tumble in her. Knowing Jennifer was sick and pregnant on top of it brought out all of his protective instincts. 

“Told you, a kid of yours and Probie’s would be tough. Just needed a little extra time to rest. Now, you can stop worrying about him and start worrying about getting you better. Got a long road ahead of you.”

“It doesn’t mean that the danger is over, Mike. It just makes me feel…a special bond with him… I told you it’s a boy, right? I’ve already named him. I should never have, it personalized it far too much, made him all the more real for me.” She let out a sad chuckle.

“Don’t get much more personal than a baby, hot stuff. And if you’re going to survive this, you’re going to have to start believing that’s going to be the case.”

“Hope. It seems so overrated right now.” 

“Oh, Mike. I never wanted to be a mother, never thought I had an ounce of maternal instinct but now that I have this life inside me, it has awakened every instinct I have, has taken me to places I didn’t know I was capable of going and made me feel things that scare me to my bones. Facing death isn’t as imposing as letting this child down.”

“You aren’t going to let your kid down, Jenny. No matter what happens, he’s going to know his mother loved him enough to do the things she did for him. You’ll see, when he’s born and the doctor places him in your arms just what I mean. A baby has a way of changing your whole outlook on things. Gives you a reason to want to stick around.”

“Tell me…about yours?” she spoke tentatively, hoping he’d open up to her.

“You know as much as I do, Jen, or at least you could have known more. Didn’t even know I had a son until it was almost too late.” His boy was a sore spot, another failure in a long line of failures. “He was a good boy from what I could see. Didn’t even know I had a child, not until he was already full grown and ready to join up. Fell in love with a girl he shouldn’t have and got her pregnant. He died, saving his fiancé and child. You’ll meet Rana and Jessica when we get to my place. I got them out of the States and I take care of them because my son can’t.”

Jen placed her hand on his knee, squeezing gently. “I didn’t mean to upset you, Mike. I’m sorry.” He didn’t seem to want to talk any more so she just rested her hand on her stomach, taking peace from the baby inside.

“You didn’t know, not too many people do. You would have figured it out pretty quick. Small quarters for the four of us.” Rana would probably fall head over heels for the redhead, just having another woman around would be appealing to her. And there wasn’t a person on earth who could resist his grand daughter. “She’s a good girl, has a beautiful daughter and I think you’ll probably like them both.”

“I’m sure I will.” Jen sincerely did think she’d like them. And they were Mike’s family after all.

“Jessie, she’ll be good practice for you too. She’s growing up every day, but she’s still just a little thing. We’ve had to watch her; she’ll curl up in any stranger’s lap and go to sleep. Don’t get much trouble down where I am, but still. Don’t want to lose my girl.”

“I’ve never been around children much. I have a lot to learn. Do you think they’ll be open to helping me?” She was starting to solidly focus on a possible future. This was such a good sign.

"Yeah, you do. Luckily, they let you know in general what's going on with them. They scream when they're wet or hungry or don't feel good, cuddle when they're happy. If I can get the hang of it, I'm sure you can."

Jen smiled. The idea of Mike with a baby was quite charming. “I’d like to see you with them. I have a feeling the crusty old agent will melt into a doting father in law and grandfather.”


End file.
